Something You Can't Replace
by HellYeahFeels
Summary: When you lose something you can't replace. Could it be worse? "Worst crush ever," she mutters as she loses herself yet again into a dark oblivion. After S01E34 of Carmilla web series. Hollstein One-Shot with "Fix You" lyrics—From my Tumblr HellYeahFeels.


**Something You Can't Replace**

**Pairing:** Hollstein  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Happens after Episode 34. Laura's thoughts on Carmilla's death until the finale. With the accompany of some of the lyrics of "Fix You" by Coldplay. Not all lyrics will be used for the sake of the story.  
><strong>Words: <strong>1708—One Shot  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I own nothing. I don't own Carmilla...but if I did, Hollstein would have happened _episodes_ ago. Enjoy!

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><p>"Laura, you did it." A stab of pain impales her as her head remains low. "You saved Betty. You saved almost everyone." Tears begin to pool in her already puffy eyes, her throat constricting even more.<p>

_**When you try your best, but you don't succeed.**_

_I could have done something. I could have saved _her. _But I didn't._

"Yeah," Laura answers, nodding her head slightly. Her eyes glaze over, a tidal wave of pure grief and agony drown her. She refuses to break down and instead hides behind a stony facade. "Almost everyone," she adds, her voice impassive.

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><p>She lies in bed, sprawled within the wrinkled sheets. Her mind is racing with thoughts; memories. Her chest is heavy and she feels like she can't breathe.<p>

How can she, when she's suffocating in sorrow?

Laura clutches the sheets, her pillow wet with tears. A broken whimper passes her gritted teeth as she replays her first encounters with the fallen vampire. _I wanted to kill her, huh? Wish granted._

_**When you get what you want, but not what you need.**_

She wanted a better roommate, yes, but not like this. Never like this.

Fate was a cruel mistress, she decided as she rolled onto her side. Her eyes rest on the surface of the vampire's bed and smiles grimly at the messy covers.

_She was a terrible roommate, wasn't she? _She thinks to herself as her eyes begin to droop. Her eyelids weighed a hundred pounds and it was pulling her down with them.

**_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep.  
>Stuck in reverse<br>_**

A dull pain was drumming on her temples, telling her she needed sleep but no matter what, she couldn't. Her dreams were clogged up with horrible fantasies: Carmilla coming back.

Laura despised the dreams because she knew better, unfortunately. Her vampire roommate isn't coming back. She had to face reality sooner or later before it caught up with her and destroyed her.

Her chest heaves as she sobs into her yellow pillow, holding it close. Her petite body trembles, mournful sounds escaping her.

_**And the tears come streaming down your face.**_

She is overwhelmed by _her _scent as her stomach drops. "C-Carm…" she blubbers, salty tears running along her cheeks. _What do I do now?_

_**When you lose something you can't replace.**_

The brunette tries to control herself but it becomes more difficult once she starts to piece every little detail together. She chokes up when she recalls the moment she almost said she loved—_loves_—Carmilla.

_**When you love someone, but it goes to waste.**_

_I could have told her, _she realizes with remorse. Laura sniffs. "I could have told you…but I didn't." _Why am I so stupid? _

She tosses in bed, holding the sides of her head. Her eyes gleam with unshed tears as they bear into the ceiling. A grim smile forms tightly on her face as her body quivers.

_**Could it be worse?**_

"Worst crush ever," she mutters as she loses herself yet again into a dark oblivion.

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><p>She stares deeply into the monitor as Betty storms off. She presses her lips together, revealing a crack in her shield. A small smile curves her lips, something she hasn't done in a while. <em>Maybe I <em>am _too tightly wound._

"And look," she pauses, recollecting her thoughts, "I know that she was a terrible roommate and kind of a terrible person sometimes," her lips grow into a larger smile, "and that one big grand gesture doesn't make up for centuries of what's essentially murder, but…"

Laura swallows the pain, continuing, "she was _my _terrible roommate and she made the big gesture for me." Her voice weakens at the end, acknowledging Carmilla's acts of honor. Her dark eyes flicker downward, her eyes shiny with new tears. _When will I finally run out of them? _She ponders.

A soft knocking fills the air as the door creaks open. The brunette jolts, swiftly turning to see Perry standing at her doorway. There was an undecipherable expression on her face as she nears the young adult. _What is she doing here? I thought she was—_ "Hey Laura." She pauses, raising her hands. "Um, so, something happened, and, um, I just wanted to come prepare you so that you wouldn't freak out."

Laura's eyebrows rise as she listens to Perry's explanation on why she was there. "And, um," Laura doesn't realize what Danny was beginning to enter the small dorm, "they found, um…"

"Okay, sorry," the tall redhead's surprises both of the women as she appears to be carrying something. Laura's eyes widen, her heart stopping, her chest constricting, cutting off her ability to comprehend. She stands abruptly from her chair, clutching onto the back. "Easy Bit, she's heavier than she looks."

Danny sets the unresponsive vampire onto her bed. Laura's breathing converts into labor pants as realization crashed upon her like a million bricks.

She throws herself at Carmilla, still not understanding how the girl was still here. _She's supposed to be dead! How is she not dead? _"Carm!" She steps back, hesitating to touch her. _Why is she like this?_

Danny retreats from the bed. "So, we think she's… I mean, she seems dead, but she's a vampire, right?"

The brunette's heart pounds as the answer pops in her head. "Well, blood!" she cries out as if it were obvious enough. "She needs blood!" Her mind races as she runs back to grab the milk carton, hurrying back to Carmilla.

She lifts her head as she sets the opening of the carton to the vampire's slackened mouth. Laura's eyebrows lower in worry. "Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead." _I can't lose you again. I'm so close._

She gasps when Carmilla starts to drink the blood for herself, her body moving. Laura laughs lightly in victory, watching the vampire intently. A small smile instantly forms on her once awestruck face. She places the carton on the desk behind the bed frame.

Carmilla begins to sit up, her movements slow and weak. She breathes in deeply, her eyes partially closed. Everyone is silent, awaiting Carmilla's reaction. The vampire looks at the three women and presses her fists into the mattress. "Whoa, that was a kick," she breathes, her voice deep as usual.

Laura's heart starts beating again as she pounces on the vampire, wrapping her arms around her. Carmilla lets out a surprised but pleasant sigh, holding onto her elbow.

Laura inhales, recognizing the scent. It was the lingering smell in the room. It was the smell on her pillow. She closes her eyes. It was the smell she missed.

_**Lights will guide you home.**_

_You're back. You're real. You're _here. She pulls back, brushing back a strand of her hair. Their eyes meet and Laura could just implode with emotions. Instead, she tries for a smile and says, "Hey."

She looks into those dark but knowing eyes, waiting for her to reply. At this point, she could take anything. A small smile tugs on Carmilla's lips. "Hey." Her eyes fall down.

The small taps of footsteps on the wooden floor fall deaf on Laura's ears. All there was was her and Carmilla. Nothing else mattered. A sudden thought hits her. "Are you hurt?"

Dark eyes clash again and Laura swallows back shyness. "It looks like maybe you're hurt. And," the door closes, ignored by both girls. "I'm sorry I hugged you so hard that you're hurt, it's just that you were dead," Carmilla rises to her feet, intimidating Laura but she continues, "and now you're not and—and I know you're probably going through a lot of stuff with your mom, it's just that…"

She falters, gazing into Carmilla's eyes. It's like she's back into her oblivion but this…this was raw and passionate. It was eating them both alive. Those dark eyes dart to her lips, eyeing them with want. Laura's stomach churns, unsure why she was looked at like that.

Before she could speak, Carmilla holds onto her face and pulls her forward. Their lips meet and the brunette tenses in surprise before melting into the embrace. Her hands, useless at her sides, rest on Carmilla's arms.

Electricity was coursing through her veins as she kisses the vampire. It awakens every cell in her body, extinguishing the flames of anguish.

_**And ignite your bones.**_

The girls separate and stare into each other's eyes. They still grasp each other, refusing to let go. _She…kissed me… _Almost immediately, Laura starts to ramble again. "And I know that you didn't do everything for me, I just…"

Carmilla smiles at her dork and places a chaste kiss on her. A warmness boils in Laura's gut as she grins and squeals, kissing Carmilla again. Her hands lower to the vampire's waist.

They part and Carmilla looks at her in disbelief. _Yeah, I like you too, goof. _She grins at the effect she has on the immortal being and pulls her in close, holding her head as she pours her soul into the kiss. She takes the lead and shows Carmilla how much she truly loves her.

Carmilla breaks the kiss and fixes the hair on Laura's shoulders. The brunette was vibrating with joy and the kisses left her lightheaded as she looks at the vampire in amazement. "Wow."

The dark haired girl replies with the pursing of her lips. They hold each other as if they were dancing and Laura internally giggles. _How ironic. _

She swallows thickly and decides to ask Carmilla something she's been wondering about since they were torn apart. "So, you're a giant black cat, huh?"

**_And I will try to fix you._**

Carmilla's suppressed smile turns into a full out grin and laugh. _She looks so beautiful. _Laura joins her and both girls lose themselves in a fit of laughter. The vampire lowers her head and makes an agreeing gesture with her hand as the brunette smiles at her.

Love and admiration shine in their eyes as they look at each other once more. Laura's heart lifts, her chest light and free. She then realizes that Carmilla was something that she could not replace, even if she tried.

Grinning crookedly, she agrees that she could have it no other way.

**FIN**

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><p><strong>(Author's Note: So, I had to write this because Hollstein was my everything at this point and I love this song so bam! You get this. :) Hope you enjoyed it, it's made of my tears..<strong>

**I will continue my other fics. Just bear with me. Till then!)**


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